The Life & Likings of a Lobster.

Debsed & Confused (flower arranging in the 1980s)
Thought I'd treat you to my life story. And yes, I will be offended if you skip any of it.

1983) Born. On pancake day. In many ways I feel this is my greatest achievement.
1984) I said my first word. It was "hello". Joyous.
1985) Learned to walk. Also had my first taste of alcohol. Which explains a few things.
1986) Ooh, think the hurricane was this year! We were right in the middle of the bugger.
1987) Not sure. Hang on, I climbed mount Everest. Yes, that's it.
1988) The nightmare began. (Started school)
1989) Split my lip open leaving me with a disfiguring scar on my face. Well, it's not that disfiguring, but still.
1990) My single "I Can't Remember What I Did This Year" went straight to the top of the chart.
1991) Won A Nobel Peace Prize.
1992) Moved house.
1993) The nightmare worsened. (New school was granny pants)
1994) Graduated from Primary and went to Secondary. (New school - Small School, Hartland - was a bit hippy and great!)
1995) Was on telly. With a broom. Don't ask.
1996) Went to Snowdonia. Nearly climbed Snowdon, but didn't. Climbed a different mountain, though?
1997) Conquered Hollywood. Came back as it didn't suit me.
1998) Went to France. My tent flooded.
1999) Went to college. Did performing arts. Was introduced to stage management. Defining moment.
2000) Discovered the joys of going out, getting drunk, then trying not to throw up.
2001) Finished me B-tec. Managed to pass dance. Quite an achievement considering I was mostly drunk for the lessons in my 2nd yr. Bastards.
2002) Met the money grabbing ex-ex-ex. Started Uni.
2003) Threw the money grabbing ex-ex-ex out (go me!). Met the ex-ex.
2004) The ex-ex dumped me. Went out with the ex for a bit.
2005) Failed to find man replacement. Did a show which involved me lap-dancing for half the male audience members.
2006) Was a basement monkey at Blackwell's. Then became a professional Stage Manager. Eek!
2007) Moved to amazing house with lovely house mates. Began moonlighting as an Editorial Assistant.
2008) Worked on the Oxford Literary Festival, did some more basement monkeying, then somehow landed a job as Publishing Editor at Taylor & Francis. Crazy.
2009) Somehow managed to keep job at T&F. Even crazier.